A Different Drummer by Julie Bonner

Author:Julie Bonner [Bonner, Julie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2013-10-04T22:00:00+00:00

You Actually Like a Gay Person

As I started to come out more to people, I was often surprised at how I came out to people without me even being present! Here is how this would work:

While living in Virginia, I worked for a company that had a research and development facility, as well as a manufacturing facility, in Terre Haute, IN. While working at this company, I became good friends with a purchasing manager there. I found out she had never been to Washington, DC. so I gave her an open invitation that any time she wanted to explore the city she was more than welcome and I would be glad to be her host and tour guide.

So one weekend she takes me up on this invitation. So, when I go pick her up at the airport, she is telling me of a conversation she had with her husband the night before. To give a little context to this, this was during the first term of Bill Clinton and there had been an enormous amount of TV coverage around the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy on gays in the military.

Apparently, the night before, this had been on the evening news once again. She and her husband were watching it and he starts this nasty tirade about gays and lesbians. My friend listens for a bit and then says to him, you know someone who is gay. He vehemently denies this. She says that she could see his wheels turning about who he knows that could possibly be gay. This is not computing for him at all. See there are some who, if they were to be honest, think all gays and lesbians have tattoos, body piercings, and are extreme in attire, etc. But honestly, there are many in the community that people would never know are gay unless you have friends that are this way, or they tell you.

So, she says that she would never tell him who it was until they had chatted about his feelings and perceptions for a while. Eventually, she told him it was me. Frankly, I am not extreme in any way, but I have very masculine qualities, and so for me, it is always a surprise when someone does not know I am gay without me saying something to them. But, he had no idea.

It was interesting for me to hear this story, because growing up in fear of lobotomies and other horrible things happening to you, I had never given much thought to someone “telling on me” in this way. You know, what if he had been the kind of person to suddenly hate me because of this? Or never be allowed around their kids any more, or worse? Well, that is the daily courage sometimes that it takes to come out, and this is why I have never been a proponent that people should come out just because they are gay or lesbian. Heck that is a choice each individual has to make and it is one I make daily.

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